One of our desires for Imperfectly Brave is that you see the imperfect side of us. Sometimes, when women are leading other women, it’s easy for those on stage to appear flawless in their humanity. Our heart is that you see sinners saved by grace caught up in the love of our good Father. Today I want to peel back a layer of myself and expose my heart.
Last week I cried to Whitney on the phone. I claimed that there was no way I was worthy enough to carry this torch with her. That standing in front of all of you would be a lie, because I have sinned greatly. I am afraid that you will find out all of the bad things that I have done in my past and blast me on social media. I was caught up in fearing man.
You see my friends, I did not seek the Lord with my days, I did not fall head over heels for Jesus, I did not weep at the foot of the cross for the sake of my sin until just the last few years. Though I always knew God and believed in him, it only recently has become the beat of my heart.
So in those years, it was dark. There were many choices that have rightly brought on shame. I struggled with choice after choice after choice. My heart was full of brokenness and I clung to any man who could make me feel better. I filled my emptiness with more emptiness. Through this I gained debt, enemies, a bad reputation, and a pregnancy that I didn’t plan for. At 24 I had a little boy without a ring on my finger. For many years following I walked in and out of darkness. I’ve had affairs; I’ve stolen, cheated and lied. My life was nothing less than a complete filthy mess and yet I was aching for Jesus, I just didn’t know how to get there. God began to heal me, He drew me closer and closer to him, He put amazing believing women in my life whom I looked up to, He moved me out of a city where there was temptation everywhere and gave me a clean start. I could go on, but mostly I want to say that He was a shepherd that heard the cry of His lost sheep and journeyed out into the wilderness to bring her back.
My fear last week was that you would find out these things (and more) about me and it would take away from the glory of God set before you. That in my teaching, as I lead you in worship and quote the sweet words from God that saved my soul, that you would only see a sinner who is unworthy to say the name Jesus.
The truth is I am unworthy. My past is clouded with muck and my current status is not free from sin either. We are all unworthy of these lives, this chance, this forgiveness. In the end, it comes down to the grace that God bathed us in through the blood of Jesus. I will stand before you and fear God over you any day of the week. I am reminded this week to fear God not man. I am a walking reminder of the grace given to those who will seek Him with their days.
In Luke 7:36-50 we read of the sinful woman who Jesus forgave because of her great faith. He says, “Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven —for she loved much.” “Your faith has saved you; go in peace”
So I walk this week in faith and peace, reminded of the forgiveness granted by my good father, who saw me at my worst and loved me enough to die for me on the cross. There is no perfection in anyone on the Imperfectly Brave team, only a group of women who want to go in peace to tell you about their great God! Won’t you join us this year and learn about your Imperfectly Brave life? Sign up for a prayer group or join the Imperfectly Brave book study starting January 20th.